Laura

“Laura, your time isn’t good enough”

Coach’s words slapped me as my face broke the surface of the pool, shaking off its webs.

“30 more seconds!” she called to my back, as I joined Lily and Sophie’s floating heads.

“So you think you’ll sleep with Mark?” asked one of them.

“Probably, he rented an Airbnb” replied the other. I shined in these moments, giving the right oohs and giggles, like a social highlighter revising to be the best friend.

“What about you, Laura? And have you chosen your electives? Still want to do medicine?” Their voices intertwined, like a mythical hydra, with each sentence birthing two anew.

I cast my signature shrug and pretended to practice holding my breath – five seconds, I counted, twenty, sixty… until I was at the front of the queue, my heart beating like a submarine distress call.

“I know you have a lot on your mind, Laura” Coach laid down, her gaze chasing mine like a reflection. “But do this for you. Teach your body to do what you choose.”

I nodded and inhaled, letting myself sink.

Ten.

Did I ever choose? Swimming class, my school, even my breakfast. My toes tapped the bottom.

Thirty.

My clothes, friends, the movies we watched. My life felt like a bingo sheet, each part waiting to be announced.

Sixty.

The water hardened around my face like cement, and my heart was a canary in the mines. I lost count and let blackness swallow my thoughts, the water massage my body.

This was the rest of my life, I realised. My body, breath, and blood. If everything else sinks, I will stay with myself. I choose to stay.

I launched myself and speared through the surface. Everyone was staring at me.

“You did it” Coach’s eyes were wide like spotlights.

“I know,” I bellowed, for everyone to hear.